Inspiration Fanatic

Physical Reminders of Inner Worth

Have you ever wanted to spend more time being creative and engaging in self-care? Perhaps you purchased the materials you’d need to do so, and then promptly left them sitting untouched for months. For today’s #InspirationFanatic Friday, I’ll be sharing a practice which has helped me in making time for myself and for imaginative workings. By engaging in this act, I am reminded on a daily basis that it is my privilege and responsibility to care for myself. Doing so helps me believe I am worthy of attention and that I am capable of generating inspiration for myself and others.

I wrote a while back regarding premenstrual symptoms and healing; I chose to make my monthly moon-time the focus of my toolbox. It’s possible to order a subscription box for your period, but I instead created my own self-care focused kit for each month. After purchasing the items I wanted, I dug deeper and was surprised by how well the kit dovetails with my work on my personal vision this year. I made 12 bags in total, one for each month of the year to be opened during my “moon-time.” I keep the kit accessible and in use throughout the entire month as a self-care practice.

The concept of a physical reminder that you are invested in your relationship with yourself does not need to be limited to menstrual cycles. I can see applications to creating supplies for dealing with triggers, celebrating each new moon or welcoming each season. I do think it is important that they be tangible items rather than virtual materials. As the digital age has advanced, many of us find that we’ve lessened our connection to the physical world. I would say that a large aspect of my spiritual life is simply living in the touchable reality which surrounds me. I have found tremendous wisdom and creativity in the connections I make online, but they only penetrate my life to the extent to which I make them real and visible on a regular basis. In this way, the bags I created invite me to pause and connect with not only my body, but also my inner creativity and vitality.

Suggested Contents

Body-Centered Items

  • Treats: I added a small snack which worked great until I got a massive sugar craving and raided all the remaining bags! Next year I plan to include a small gift card for each month, which will at least require me to drive somewhere if I want to “cheat.”
  • Spa Products: I included a bath bomb, candle, face mask, nail polish, emery board and lip gloss for each month. I did not find myself using these as much as I thought I would, I think in part because they didn’t have a “homemade” feel to them and became repetitive. For next year’s kit, I plan to include a personally-crafted candle with essential oils and herbs, handmade bath bombs and perhaps soap or another product that I’ll teach myself to make.

Creativity Supplies

I did not include anything more than a crayon in this year’s bags, but I think there is a limitless number of possibilities here from which I’ll choose in the future. I included one crayon each month but found myself feeling stifled by the lack of choice in colors. If you decide you want a creativity piece to your kit, I would suggest picking one medium per month or one mini project for which you include all the supplies. A few ideas:

  • Drawing/coloring/painting (Perhaps with a specific prompt and tiny canvas for each)
  • Clay (if you can ensure it won’t dry out over the course of the year)
  • Crafting projects such as jewelry or altar items

Inner Work Gear

  • Mini journals with journal prompts
  • Quotes from favorite authors
  • Sentences from your vision statement with intentions for the month
  • Cards with an invitation to develop a specific aspect of your character
  • Stones and crystals that you find healing

Action-Focused Cards

I wrote out a targeted action on which I would like to focus my attention. For instance, this month’s involves reading a chapter in a book. Each of my ideas relates to self-care in a way, but also incorporates other important goals I have such as social engagement, life-long learning and caring for nature.

As I’ve used these kits for several months, I’ve been surprised by the amount of creativity they have generated. For instance, the invitation to focus on a specific character trait has led me to write a poem dedicated to each once a month. For my soon-to-launch Summer Self-Compassion Camp, I will be including a post on painting intuitive self-affirmation cards; I cannot wait to include these in my tools next year. I acknowledge that there was a monetary investment on my part that may not be accessible to everyone; the ironic part of the experience has been that the simple statements, questions and prompts that I wrote out have been the most rewarding and interesting part of the process for me. Even if you have limited funds, taking time to arrange a specific encounter with the Divine and your Inner Wisdom each month is energy well-spent!

If you were to create a series of kits for yourself, what would be the focus? What balance of body-centered, creative and inner work initiatives feels right for you? Where might you place the contents of kit in order to have it serve as a daily touchstone of self-care and connection to Deity?

Magic & Phrase

Trust: The Journey

I.

American interstate.

Every metal beast believing its demon worthy

Of being last to leave and first to arrive.

Truncated forests reduced to boundary line.

People, once awoken, see themselves veering into the islanded field

Declaring the reed and grass as heartbeat and home.

Why do painted lines obey the cars?

II.

House of worship.

Calling on our dear providence, weary of weakness induced,

We supplicate that which we already possess.

Voices, only male, trilling dominance as salvation.

Female in form: Madonna or whore

Forced without choice, patterning our birthright.

The mantle we strive to shoulder pleasing and, in failing,

Burn it unmourning as defiled as we are.

III.

Social media.

She traces outlines in the fogged mirror.

Razor thin edges of who she, wisp, idolizes.

Body worthy only in breast and hip and ratio

Of pregnancy to submissive glance.

Her appeal loose flakes to her self-love.

Silver-hair and wrinkle holy gifts

She banishes same as bare flesh to contour.

IV.

Public gathering.

You count first the outcasts, then the leaders, then lastly, the judgmental ones.

Knowing full well to count thrice.

You widen your vision to encompass the uneven horizon

Declaring your name and all the sharpened shards who, molten, forged you.

Uttering actualities until nearby the birds pause and squirrels cease chatter

Nature curling up breathing the air of sovereignty embodied.

You believe your feet to tremble but roots encircle, collecting, as they descend.

V.

Inner sphere.

Transforming midst gates of Inanna and Persephone

Underwater, under world that demands my sacrifice.

All the while eyes forward, lean into the weight

Of boulders cast of shame.

I thought the scenery was superfluous.

Now, branch and pebble and bird feather are

Substance and bone of my offering.

Embodied Heart

Who Is a Woman Without Family?

Single. Estranged. Childless/child-free. No one word sums up my experience living as an adult woman without being in relationship with my family of origin, a romantic partner and without having had a child. It is a formless, unutterable identity that consumes me and yet I nearly never give it voice, mostly because I’ve allowed it to cause me shame. For today’s #EmbodiedHeart post, I explore some possible answers to the question my title posed.

An Orphan to be Pitied

What does a woman without family feel? In my case, lots of loneliness and longing. Desire and rejection. It is hard to fully articulate the bittersweet tang of watching others for whom I care start new relationships and give birth. I wouldn’t call my feelings jealousy in most cases, as I also often feel contentment on the path on which I’m walking, but I do experience sadness mixed in with the joy.

At times, I’ve received pity as a response when I’ve shared my identity. Usually followed by a rush to wish things would be healed with my family or that I’d find love. I think I’ve internalized a deep bucket of shame around this way of being in the world, one to which scoops are only added when people pity me. Not only do I experience shame, but I also distance myself from my own wishes for family. If I don’t “want” it, it won’t hurt not to have it.

People are often surprised at the ease with which I interact with children, perhaps mistaking my lack of energy towards producing or procuring one of my own through adoption as a lack of desire. In truth, I think I’ve simply given up on love stories and tiny toes. I’ve failed repeatedly when it comes to familying and it’s failed me. I believe the only rational responses to defeat, once one acknowledges its existence, are to try again after altering some variable, or to come into a place of acceptance of it. Right now I am noticing and being with my failure, rather than trying to turn it into a success.

A Witch to be Feared

Being too different, being too loud, not following the rules enough. These are the charges often hurled at women society sees as “witches.” Women whose eccentrics show a smidge too much of their own defined sense of being. As I’ve begun to move from young into middle adulthood, this is the place I find myself sitting more and more. I am no longer only a shy teen with downcast eyes waiting for someone to notice her, I am also a warrior singing her call regardless of who approves.

I cannot tell how much this impulse comes from within me and how much it is projected on to me by others, but I sense a woman alone after a certain age somehow appears more threatening. All the caretaking roles I “should” be fulfilling are going unanswered. There isn’t an easy shelf on which to place me of mother, devoted daughter or wife. My oddity feels like a cloak in which I wrap myself to hide but by which I instead end up revealing more than I intended.

A Spinster to be Discarded

As I age, I anticipate moving into the role of the old maid if I stay unfamilied. As such, I will eventually be in a place of  needing instead of giving. Can I endure coming physical frailty without acquiescing or diminishing? Our society expects those who are old to silence their cries. What if I do not behave this way?

Several books I’ve read lately, including Belonging and The Body is Not an Apology, allude to the question of whether we have worth if we are unable to contribute anything of value to others. I struggle with this query from both sides, as I anticipate judgment of my failure to caretake my abusive, aging parents, and as I must also face changes in how others perceive me as I get older. Shame again takes hold. I feel a frequent need to apologize to my wizened crone self for my family failure, and to gift her an offering of my sovereignty as a person, won at a terrible price.

A Person to be Humanized

The themes I’ve identified—abandonment, eccentricity and worth—are by no means limited to individuals who fall into my particular demographic. Rather, I think nearly everyone who has an honest and deep relationship with themselves could connect to aspects of them. I so often feel apart from being a “regular human” when in fact I am a part of being a regular human. That is who I think a woman without family is; she is simply one blend of pigment in the rainbow of the human heart. She has every right to exist, to voice, and to move the world as best she can.

Goddessing Self Care

Moon-time Howling

For today’s #GoddessingSelfCare Sunday, I will be examining focusing on how women can engage in healthy and healing behaviors during our moon-time and throughout our cycle. This time is especially fraught for me as I suffer from PMDD, which stands for premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I describe my experience to others as having full-blown depressive episodes around the time of my cycle, which dissipate rapidly once bleeding commences. This experience can feel animalistic to me in its rawness and rage, even as I seek to reclaim it as part of my femininity. My writing here regarding moon-time is primarily aimed at those who identify as women, although I think it could also be useful if you have women in your life for whom you would like to serve as a support person.

The physical aspects of being a woman of child-bearing age have never been easy for me. I went through puberty earlier than most of my peers and did everything possible to hide the fact that I was getting my period. I would get severe stomach problems every month, to the point I’d need to leave school. I now experience migraines that correspond to my cycle. My mood swings during the premenstrual time are extreme and leave me feeling disillusioned with life and detached from those around me. I am prone to rage. My PTSD symptoms also increase significantly.

Given the distress I experience with my cycle, Goddess Spirituality has opened a new world to me in terms of the ideas of “red tents” and “moon-time.” There are dueling theories regarding whether menstrual huts served places to separate women who are viewed as spiritually unclean, or as places for women to gather during their cycle because of its sacred power. I think the former is much more likely than the latter in many societies, but I hope women gathering together in this way can become something we claim as sacred ground for us to celebrate our feminine experience. I think there is a good deal of cultural appropriation as well in what we make of these rituals, so I hope that we can develop new practices that are not overly reliant on customs and practices that may be sacred to a culture different from our own with which we are unfamiliar.

After coming to an understanding of how menstruation can be celebrated instead of shamed, I feel more able to view my experience as part of the general ebb and flow of life. In gathering in community with other women, I’ve seen how common some of my experiences are. I feel encouraged to take the time where things get especially rough for me as an opportunity to turn inward, and to release those things in my life that are no longer suiting me. I have high points as well throughout the month and I put more effort than I used to into harnessing the energy and strength I have at these times towards accomplishing tasks, so that there is less to do at low points.

I’ll be describing the self-care that I’ve personally found useful throughout my cycle, but I do want to note that you may not find yourself following the same pattern. Some women are energized during their time of bleeding, and drained around the time of ovulation. Others may not notice these changes. Trans-women as well as women with certain physical conditions may not have a traditional menstrual cycle, but may still identify with the ebb and flow of energy throughout the month.

Self-Care During the Waning and New Moon Phase

The time of the month leading up to and when we are bleeding correspond to the waning and new moon phases. Your energy may begin to decrease, and you may feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities you have in your life. You may find yourself withdrawing from others. Your emotions may be heightened. This time of the month and moon cycle offers an opportunity to:

  • Deepen your inner work. Your intuition is ripened and ready to release new knowledge. Use this time to learn more about yourself and your unconscious needs and desires.
  • Connect to your support system. Even though the impulse is to pull away from others, staying in touch with them and opening up the vulnerabilities you may be experiencing can enhance your relationships. I often find myself having more meaningful and longer conversations with a select person or people during this time.
  • Attune to your body’s needs. My body proclaims its needs loudly during this time. I ignore it to my peril. I tend to be more likely to schedule doctor’s appointments and adjust my habits to ensure healthy nutrition and sleep during this time.
  • Refresh your environment. I tend to redecorate, organize, clean and update my physical surroundings during this time, releasing any physical materials that are no longer needed. Surrounding myself with fresh flowers, scented candles, incense or other fragrant materials keeps me in touch with beauty even if I feel “gross” physically.

Self-Care During Waxing and Full Moon Phases

When the bleeding time ends, we enter a stage of energy and excitement as our bodies build towards the full moon of ovulation. You may experience a feeling of needing more in your life. Sexual desire could increase. Creativity blossoms. This time of month and moon cycle provides a chance to:

  • Set goals. The beginning and middle of my cycle can be a place where I take the reflection I did during my moon-time, and decide upon the specific goals that will get me closer to what I am seeking in life.
  • Direct your energy flow. There are times during this part of my cycle in which my energy can feel abundant. If I’m not careful, it gets spent on activities like making expensive purchases or starting a project for which I don’t truly have the necessary time or resources. It takes sustained effort for me to ensure I am channeling the energy I feel into productive and healthy endeavors.
  • Participate in community action. I am more interested in spending time with others at the start of my cycle. I find it useful to balance my engagement so that I don’t over-commit for the rest of the month, and so that I take advantage of this time to dig into relationships and activities.
  • Rejuvenate self-care behaviors. I find it easier to make positive changes in my eating, sleeping and exercise behaviors as I approach ovulation. My body has fewer cravings and I have the energy needed for vigorous exercise.

Your experience throughout your monthly cycle may mirror mine or may unfurl differently. What changes, if any, do you experience throughout the month? How does your energy peak and descend? How are your emotions and relationships affected by these changes? Women’s cycles have been stigmatized and ridiculed throughout human history; it is vital for us to stake our claim to our experience as our own unique way of being a woman in the world, and to find the common ground we all share.

Surviving & Thriving

Goddessing on a Budget: Deep Connections With Self

What comes to mind when you think about connecting with yourself or another person? What does a healthy relationship entail? A viewpoint that resonates with me from psychology is called attachment theory. It suggests that each of us has a “working model” that we unconsciously forged in childhood. As a result of our relationships with our caregivers, we determined whether or not others would be there for us and whether or not we ourselves are trustworthy.

Many of us with trauma histories struggle to engage in healthy attachment patterns. Several people have told me that I really “know myself,” and I feel that my connection with myself is my strong suit. Experiencing deep connection with others feels at times within my grasp and at other times like it across a huge chasm. Perhaps you feel the same way. Or, your style may be the opposite—apart from your relationships, you aren’t sure who you are. In any case, our spiritual journey is centered in these relationships with self and other, and part of our ramble with Goddess is uncovering the tremendous wealth that can be found in safe and affirming relationships. Today I will begin our exploration by examining our relationship with ourselves.

Body Rhythms

“I hate my body!” How many times in our lives have we given ourselves this message? I recently participated online in Priestess Brandi Auset and Tracy Givens’ free Sacred Sexual Wellness class in the Mystery School of the Goddess. The course had a profound impact on me in that it contained the idea of viewing our bellies as sacred, and promoted nurturing them with practices such as massage. I had never once in my life seen my stomach area as anything other than a part of me that was too large and frequently uncomfortable because of my medical conditions. What does it mean to let myself see it as sacred, worthy in its own right?

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Proudly stand in the sunlight and celebrate your worth!

Goddess spirituality flows from our connection to our bodies. Loving and accepting them just as they are is not just a mental health exercise; I see it now as a sacred act. Consider how much money and time you have put into making your body feel “acceptable.” I know I’ve made quite an investment. What would it mean for each of us to put that energy into a positive connection with our physical being?

As a practice in self-acceptance, I encourage you to spend some time thinking about a part of your body, if any, that you dislike. During your daily ritual, as you connect to Goddess, imagine yourself surrounded by light as you sink into a feeling of warmth. See the light and warmth nourish the part of yourself that you dislike. Your body is sacred! You may want to journal or process through artwork how it would be to truly cherish it.

Spirit and Heart

When was the last time you really sat with yourself and checked in with your spirit? Did you listen to your inner wisdom or did you bark out directions about the tasks you should be doing more often and the ways in which you’ve let yourself down? I’ve spent a bit of time exploring Inner Work in my post on Daily Rituals. Learning to read your own emotional states and to express your hidden spiritual knowledge allows for a healthier relationship with self.

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If you would like some guidance in accessing your inner self, a Mystery School I have found to be helpful is In Her Name. The first realm is called “Realm of Self” and allows for inner spiritual exploration. This particular school is self-paced. There are opportunities for partial scholarships for those who need them.

Listening Mindfully

Inner messages may come to us whether or not we want to hear them. I often find that I’ve traveled a path or made a decision unconsciously before my “thinking mind” catches up to the news. Goddess goes before us. Gain comfort in knowing that you have answers inside yourself for many of the dilemmas you will face, and give yourself trust and faith to believe in your inner wisdom.

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I strongly believe that negative voices or uncomfortable truths in us should not be banished, forgotten, or denied. They are there for a reason and deserve to be heard just like the upbeat, happy parts of self. But, stuck in their own cycle and detached from Goddess, they can be overwhelming at times. Attempting to manage our shadows without support may not always serve to aid in our spiritual journey. If you are finding yourself dealing with these messages, I encourage you to take the time to find a therapist who is not only educated in working with trauma but is also open to helping you incorporate your personal spirituality into your healing process.

Sacred Space for Self

By listening to body, spirit, heart and mind, I think we open the door to sacred synchronicity. Areas of confusion and doubt can be washed away, replaced by confidence and trust, if we treat ourselves as worthy. You deserve love, attention, care and relationship! Hear through the negative messages you’ve internalized to your underlying fear, anger, and sadness. Transform those wounded parts of yourself both through professional assistance if needed as well as your spiritual walk with Goddess.