A photo of a rock with sunlight filtered onto it.
Goddess Thealogy, Pagan Practice, Sacred Spiritual Growth

The Goddessing Cycle: Resting

Cross-posted on my SageWoman blog.

This post is the second (after Releasing) in my year of sharing the Goddessing Cycle, which is the flow of energy and draw toward ritual I experience in my relationship with Goddess. The phase of resting, for me, extends from December through February. The name is deceptive, as if hibernation and drawing inward are the focus of this season. Rather, I believe it is a time of deepening into the fullness of our inner world, and then a slow but steady rush of growth outward into the world around us.

The processes I’ll be describing below fit best in climates that become cold, bleak and snowy. I would be curious if those who live in very warm climates experience some of these moments in the peak of summer instead, when the heat (rather than the cold) makes it nearly impossible to spend time outside. Although I am presenting the four parts of the Goddessing Cycle as they unfold across the year for me, keep in mind that they may show up differently for you no matter where you live.

Image showing the Goddessing Cycle. A circle with bi-directional arrows containing the words Fruiting, Releasing, Resting and Unfurling in a clockwise order.

Simple Pleasures

There is something both young and ancient about resting. Babies (and puppies) physically sleep most of the time as their brains and bodies develop. Some people grow more dormant with age, casting off the tasks they deem unnecessary for those that are closest to their hearts. I find a simplicity rooted in resting, a request from my Inner Being/Goddess to settle into myself and search out that which is vital.

I spend several hours each winter compiling a record of the previous year, and then, from that place of reflection, creating goals for the new year. Rather than whine about New Year’s resolutions being stupid, I look at my culture’s practice of them and wonder about whether there are ancient or ingrained patterns to which we are attending when we seek to make new our attempts at self-improvement. I believe something has to stir in us to cause those of us who live in barren, frigid lands to believe that, during the bitterest of times, fresh and hopeful rousings are afoot.

An Inflection Point

During the resting phase of the year, I experience a shift in energy. The previous phase of releasing is inward-gathering, letting go of impediments and drawing toward inertia. There is a stillness at the heart of resting that we will be further exploring during the meditation I’ve created below. The stillness is a pause in fullness. It reflects a holding and then then turning outward of momentum and impulse. If we take time to practice being in the moment, we likely experience many of these inflections throughout each day, week and month, but it is only around the start of the new year that I make a deliberate practice of this redirection of my energy.

A Mediation for Resting

This ritual is designed primarily as a meditation on the moment—a way to connect to ourselves and the world around us through direct experience. It involves concentrating on one’s breath as a symbolic representation of the energy exchange that flows through each of us and through the world around us. It utilizes four of our five main senses, so adjust as needed to your own abilities and preferences. Exercise caution if you have an respiratory difficulties. You may want to record yourself reading the directions and play them back to yourself as you practice it.

Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down (outside if possible). Breathe deeply and slowly, noticing each in and out breath. Close your eyes and concentrate on the sounds around you. Spend a few minutes bringing your awareness to noises both close and far. Breathe in and hold your breath for a few seconds. As you do so, notice the stillness in the sounds around you. Where are the areas of silence? Where is the energy lessened? Breathe out as you feel the rush of sounds amplify. Where is there energy flowing? What form does the noise take and how does it sit with you? Continue this practice of finding the silence and the noise in rhythm with your breathing.

Next, turn your attention to your sense of touch, temperature and pressure. Breathe in slowly and deeply. Pay attention for a few moments to any skin sensations. Breathe in and hold your breath for a few seconds. Where on your body is there stillness? What areas seem neutral, neither hot nor cold, constricted nor loose? Breathe out and notice areas of high energy. Perhaps places where you can feel air flow or the dampness of the earth. Areas that are warmed by the sun or cooled by a chill. Continue to breathe in and out in the rhythm of movement and stillness.

Now, concentrate on your sense of smell. Breathe in and out to acclimate yourself to the scents around you. Breathe in through your nose and hold your breath for a few seconds. What happens to the smells when you do this? What pauses in you as scents disappear? Breathe out and, as you breathe in again, observe the movement of odors. Continue this rhythmic breathing, being sure to pause with each in-breath to notice the hollow.

Finally, open your eyes and drink in the sights around you. Breathe slowly for a few minutes as you examine your surroundings. Next, breathe in and, as you hold your breath briefly, find the areas of low energy. Where is there void? Where does emptiness and monotony show up? What lacks in color and texture? Breathe out and find places of movement, light and complexity. Continue scanning as you breathe in and out, pausing each cycle to see the neutral.

I encourage you to consider this meditation as a potential reflection of your inner world, especially if you are spending time as I am during this time in evaluating the past year and setting goals for the next one. I never knew I craved experiences like spaciousness and simplicity until I became more intentional in taking time to reflect. Modern-day life often sends us the message that we need to not only appear busy, but also effortless in our busyness. By finding the places where things are not moving or producing or changing, where they are still, we invite ourselves into internal areas of strength that we may otherwise view as weakness. It is okay to rest. Moreover, I believe we only find out the vastness of who we are (and/or who Goddess is) when we slow down enough to give every part of ourselves an opportunity to show up, be seen and just be.

Image showing the Goddessing Cycle. A circle with bi-directional arrows containing the words Fruiting, Releasing, Resting and Unfurling in a clockwise order.
Sacred Spiritual Growth

The Goddessing Cycle: Releasing

Cross-posted on my SageWoman blog.

This post is the first in a five-part series for #SacredSpiritualGrowth that I will be writing related to my personal conception of energy flow and focus, both internally and throughout the year, which I’ve titled the “Goddessing Cycle.” The cycle is based on the pattern of growth found in nature, for instance, in trees.

I intend to share about each season first, and to then provide a comprehensive post addressing all the components. I’ve taken this approach as I want to consciously live through and conduct ritual in each season before synthesizing the components. The themes are generally inspired by Pagan and Goddess Spirituality practices. However, I’ve found the number of Pagan “Wheel of the Year” ceremonies to be both overwhelming and impersonal and have been frustrated by the emphasis on childbearing capacities within Goddess Spirituality. One of my intentions is to create a way of holding space for the sacred that is not gender-specific. I would also like to avoid practices that favor the privileged or which borrow inappropriately from cultures other than my own. To this end, I welcome feedback on the accessibility, sensitivity and practicality of what I’m proposing.

Here I will be focusing on the months of September through November. I’ve found my own rhythm is a month off from the official calendar for the four seasons in North America and have adjusted accordingly. I want to mention, though, that this cycle is far more intimate than times of the year. I may cycle through multiple parts of it within a single day. I had at least three instances of release this past year that didn’t fit time-wise, and the “not the right time for this to happen” was felt deep within me.

What is it then, this releasing? Releasing, to me, involves acknowledging the areas of my life where things may be withering away and may need pruned. It includes setting firmer boundaries and refining my focus. My energy during this time flows inward; there can be a sense of scarcity which contradicts the typical “harvest” focus. In many ways, it is the harshest season, but is so very necessary for the abundance that precedes and follows it. It is noticing where I lack and owning it as well as noticing where I need to let go and doing so.

Releasing Ritual

Releasing can be painful, so proceed with caution. Consider your intentions and your self-care practices before diving in. Feel free to pick and choose what works for you and what you need to modify to make it your own.

Supplies

Leaves (try to find ones that are large and flat)

Yarn or string

A permanent marker

A journal

An unlit candle

Practices

The purpose of this ritual is to acknowledge and mourn relationships, experiences, goals, dreams and other aspects of our lives that have been recent failures, losses or in reaction to which we may need to establish stronger boundaries.

  • Cast a circle and welcome in any Deities that you wish using your own method. Decide upon 5-10 focal points and write each one on its own leaf. For instance, ask yourself what significant losses you’ve experienced this past year, what goals have gone unfulfilled, what dreams have been unaccomplished, or the specific needs you’ve been unable to have met by the relationships in your life. The main thrust of what you’ll want to include is things you’ve desired but have not been able to achieve, and which you perceive to be less important to you than you may have originally thought. Think especially of goals that were set by someone else, or standards that are society’s and not your own. Also consider desires that you realize are completely unachievable (always pleasing everyone) or which hold you back from self-acceptance (such as perfectionism).
  • Please note that this ritual is not a ritual of mourning. If you’ve lost someone close to you, consider adding a leaf reflecting what it is they represented that you no longer have in your life right now, rather than their name. Likewise, this is not a ritual of breaking bad habits—start on a mental scale and ask yourself from what the bad habit is protecting you. Work on releasing that.
  • Loosely tie the leaves onto the strand of yarn, leaving some room between each one so that they can hang down from it.
  • Reflect upon your losses. Use whichever methods appeal to you, such as Tarot or oracle cards, sitting in meditation, listening to sacred music, to commune with Deity and to learn what you need to realize, experience or do in order to release the disappointments and struggles you’ve been carrying. At the heart of release lies acceptance. What would need to go in your life to accept things as they actually are, not as you wish they would be? Record three specific insights into your journal. If less than three come to you, hold space for future revelations.
  • Holding the string of leaves in one hand, light the candle and speak the following chant, amending as it fits for you:

Goddess, I ask for your guidance and blessing in releasing that which is not life-giving.

I accept that not all branches bear fruit.

I am clearing the way for new growth in my life.

Hasten the earth to decompose, the wind to shift away, the water to erode and the fire to blaze the dead weeds to which I cling.

I open my hands to release (raise your hands palms up).

I hold space in my heart for transformation (place hands on heart).

  • Tie the string with the leaves in an area inside or outside of your house. If possible, put it into an area that will receive some wind.
  • Close the circle.
  • Over the next few days and weeks, return to your leaf-string. Notice which leaves are missing and which remain and reflect in your journal as to the extent to which you are still holding onto or are letting go of the focal-points you included.

The point of this ritual is to help you dig down to what it really is that you want, what it is that you have, and what it is that you cannot (yet) have. We can spend a ton of energy avoiding directly acknowledging our desires, so if that is as far as you make it, you’ve made progress. Notice that you aren’t being asked to ignore or shut off your desires. Desire is healthy and normal. What I am encouraging here is to find those desires that hold you back and which stifle your growth because they are not coming from your deepest heart and/or because they are not in alignment with reality or your purpose in life and then to open to allowing Goddess to transform and heal them.

Reflection

Please feel free to share your responses to this ritual and/or to the following questions in the comments.

  • Was there any sort of pattern to your focal-points for release?
  • What were the actions you derived in order to help you loosen your attachment to your desires?
  • To what extent did you experience a sense of release? How often may you need to revisit this practice to continue to transform your desires?

© 2018. All Rights Reserved, Suzanne Tidewater, Goddessing From the Heart

Embodied Heart, Inner Work

Bog and Peak: Welcoming Mystery

“Perhaps we should reconsider the importance of swamps. They are the meeting place of earth and water, a liminal space between the surface, the conscious world, and the depth of the unconscious. When we dare to venture into the forbidden forest, the soft ground where waters are dark, or the house of the witch, we engage with adventures and learn more about ourselves.” Eila Carrico, The Other Side of the River, pg. 47.

Trauma survivors face many mysteries—making sense the specifics of their experiences, as well as relating to self and others when core beliefs have been shattered and determining what being “healed” really entails. For today’s #InnerWork Wednesday, I’ll be examining our response to the unknown. I recently shared a poem that I wrote which blossomed into this post.

I thought the purpose of inner work was evaporation; to remove all traces of murkiness from the bogs of my heart and memory, exposing all that I am to the light. But life holds mystery; pure awareness would bore us instantly. No, I think now life is the film on water surface, the pebble-lined shore bed, the dip between road and grass. Rising and sinking, knowing and unknowing, holding and releasing, body and soul. Dwelling in the space between reality and fantasy, solid and mist, sensation and perception, allowing form to pass into the formless and back again.

I widen myself to include the bits of me I do not know. I pull myself in around the same pieces when they make themselves manifest, forming a protective hedge. This cycle of movement births a mothering of inner trust.

When Self meets Other, magic ensues. The edge, teeming with activity, evolves, grows, dies back and reforms. Boundaries exist in nature but are not created or fixed. We can have confidence in ourselves, as we mature, to feel them from the tips of our fingers as we approach Other, rather than to erect them as solid steel fortresses into which none dare enter or to run rampant through any we meet.

Edges require invitation, both across and down. To know ourselves in the places where we are hidden, we must near the drop and stay our feet until eyes surface and request our presence. Forcing parts of self out into the piercing light is just as traumatic as shoving them into the algae. In connecting with Other, voice ringing over range reigns. Asking and receiving permission to sit with another, as well as calling ourselves away as we leave, signals to loved ones that their Self will not be overrun or abandoned by our Other.

We will never know ourselves or another wholly. To awaken is not to perceive, rather, it is to sense not only what the body experiences, but to lift eyes to the mountaintop—the periphery of Other—and the turbid waters—the depths of Self—and to hold in consciousness the awareness of Secrets. To the fullest extent possible, learning to vigil these Unknowns, table set and heart open, instead of demanding their presence or rejecting their existence, enlivens the edge and entrains its spirals and eddies to soften. What bubbles up, what casts down ladder, is both stranger and old friend.

Inspiration Fanatic

Physical Reminders of Inner Worth

Have you ever wanted to spend more time being creative and engaging in self-care? Perhaps you purchased the materials you’d need to do so, and then promptly left them sitting untouched for months. For today’s #InspirationFanatic Friday, I’ll be sharing a practice which has helped me in making time for myself and for imaginative workings. By engaging in this act, I am reminded on a daily basis that it is my privilege and responsibility to care for myself. Doing so helps me believe I am worthy of attention and that I am capable of generating inspiration for myself and others.

I wrote a while back regarding premenstrual symptoms and healing; I chose to make my monthly moon-time the focus of my toolbox. It’s possible to order a subscription box for your period, but I instead created my own self-care focused kit for each month. After purchasing the items I wanted, I dug deeper and was surprised by how well the kit dovetails with my work on my personal vision this year. I made 12 bags in total, one for each month of the year to be opened during my “moon-time.” I keep the kit accessible and in use throughout the entire month as a self-care practice.

The concept of a physical reminder that you are invested in your relationship with yourself does not need to be limited to menstrual cycles. I can see applications to creating supplies for dealing with triggers, celebrating each new moon or welcoming each season. I do think it is important that they be tangible items rather than virtual materials. As the digital age has advanced, many of us find that we’ve lessened our connection to the physical world. I would say that a large aspect of my spiritual life is simply living in the touchable reality which surrounds me. I have found tremendous wisdom and creativity in the connections I make online, but they only penetrate my life to the extent to which I make them real and visible on a regular basis. In this way, the bags I created invite me to pause and connect with not only my body, but also my inner creativity and vitality.

Suggested Contents

Body-Centered Items

  • Treats: I added a small snack which worked great until I got a massive sugar craving and raided all the remaining bags! Next year I plan to include a small gift card for each month, which will at least require me to drive somewhere if I want to “cheat.”
  • Spa Products: I included a bath bomb, candle, face mask, nail polish, emery board and lip gloss for each month. I did not find myself using these as much as I thought I would, I think in part because they didn’t have a “homemade” feel to them and became repetitive. For next year’s kit, I plan to include a personally-crafted candle with essential oils and herbs, handmade bath bombs and perhaps soap or another product that I’ll teach myself to make.

Creativity Supplies

I did not include anything more than a crayon in this year’s bags, but I think there is a limitless number of possibilities here from which I’ll choose in the future. I included one crayon each month but found myself feeling stifled by the lack of choice in colors. If you decide you want a creativity piece to your kit, I would suggest picking one medium per month or one mini project for which you include all the supplies. A few ideas:

  • Drawing/coloring/painting (Perhaps with a specific prompt and tiny canvas for each)
  • Clay (if you can ensure it won’t dry out over the course of the year)
  • Crafting projects such as jewelry or altar items

Inner Work Gear

  • Mini journals with journal prompts
  • Quotes from favorite authors
  • Sentences from your vision statement with intentions for the month
  • Cards with an invitation to develop a specific aspect of your character
  • Stones and crystals that you find healing

Action-Focused Cards

I wrote out a targeted action on which I would like to focus my attention. For instance, this month’s involves reading a chapter in a book. Each of my ideas relates to self-care in a way, but also incorporates other important goals I have such as social engagement, life-long learning and caring for nature.

As I’ve used these kits for several months, I’ve been surprised by the amount of creativity they have generated. For instance, the invitation to focus on a specific character trait has led me to write a poem dedicated to each once a month. For my soon-to-launch Summer Self-Compassion Camp, I will be including a post on painting intuitive self-affirmation cards; I cannot wait to include these in my tools next year. I acknowledge that there was a monetary investment on my part that may not be accessible to everyone; the ironic part of the experience has been that the simple statements, questions and prompts that I wrote out have been the most rewarding and interesting part of the process for me. Even if you have limited funds, taking time to arrange a specific encounter with the Divine and your Inner Wisdom each month is energy well-spent!

If you were to create a series of kits for yourself, what would be the focus? What balance of body-centered, creative and inner work initiatives feels right for you? Where might you place the contents of kit in order to have it serve as a daily touchstone of self-care and connection to Deity?

Inner Work

Approaching Our Fears

Cross-posted on my Sagewoman blog.

For today’s #InnerWork Wednesday, I will be uncovering some of the psychology behind “facing your fears” and discussing how we can incorporate Goddess Spirituality into this experience. The topic is timely for me as I will be getting MRI testing in the next few weeks and am concerned about how it will go for me. I saw the machine in person and have been feeling anxious imagining myself undergoing the process.

Children often shrink back from new stimuli. They question their safety in the presence of the unknown. As adults, we are tasked with gently guiding them in approaching things that may seem scary but which are actually benign. Unfortunately, many of us as children did not receive a hand on our shoulder, bolstering us to take small steps. Instead, we may have been chided, slapped, ridiculed, abandoned or worse when we expressed fear. Subsequently, we may struggle in adulthood to approach that which scares us. (I will pause to note here that susceptibility to anxiety is also heritable, so some of us have a biological makeup that predisposes us to fear-based reactions).

Moving towards things that are frightening but which we know are not inherently dangerous acts in opposition to the avoidance behavior that maintains anxiety. The more we avoid things, the more we teach our inner little self that we should in fact be scared and that we aren’t safe. Taking incremental steps forward, especially in the presence of a supportive and kind individual, can radically alter our relationship with fear.

In approaching feared scenarios, the typical rehearsal of imagining every potential catastrophic result can be replaced with small approximations of the situation. For instance, in preparing for my upcoming MRI, I’ve closed off an area in my house to create a small corridor and laid in it while listening to audio of MRI sounds. My confidence has grown as I’ve gotten near my threshold of panic and stayed there with it until it subsided. I’ve also had a few moment of hysterical laughing as my dog tried to “rescue” me from the tunnel!

Where these psychologically-grounded behaviors can break down for me personally is that, when confronted with certain stressors, I lose the adult me. I am all little self, terrified of the situation and convinced I cannot make it through it. When I’ve had social support to which I am able to connect in these instances, I do much better. Approach is sometimes possible with a steady hand on my shoulder, voicing belief in my capacity to befriend that which terrifies me.

What do we do, though, in instances where we are alone or when we are having difficulty accessing another’s compassion? In this place I am, let’s say, in the experimental phase as I have not forged a rock-solid connection between my Inner Being and my little self. My primary approach, if the situation is predicable or repeated, is to stay present with my inner child and to, if my capacity in the moment gets thwarted, return to Self as quickly as possible. Behaviors such as maintaining a steady breathing pattern, slowing down the situation and practicing positive self-talk can assist in this undertaking.

I want to stay connected to Goddess in every moment, even the scary ones. As I mentioned in a recent post, I am taking a forest therapy class. On my first walk, we were instructed to notice things in motion as we progressed slowly down the path. I was suddenly overcome with a sense of being able to take in the entire scene, including us humans walking, and saw that we were in fact moving along with other parts of the forest. I felt deeply connected to Goddess. I think here we have an opportunity for developing a sense of compassionate presence by imagining ourselves, as we go near that which frightens us, being held in the gaze of Deity who is infusing the situation with Her love, caring deeply about our worries and holding all possible outcomes in the palm of Her hand.

We can easily shame ourselves in instances in which we know we’ve been waylaid by anxiety and through which no comfort, support or “adult” seemed present. I believe all we can ask of ourselves is to continue to try again, knowing that at times we’ll fail to follow through as completely as we would have hoped we’d do, and that there may be fears of which we will be unable to get within arms-length. Anyone who scolds you with a “it’s no big deal” when you express hesitation is failing to empathize with you just as completely as you are wanting to avoid. Hearing “I can tell it’s very scary for you. How can I support you in approaching the situation?” from someone is, to me, a clear sign that the individual could be a good candidate for the unwavering presence that we all need as our little selves learn there are now people, including ourselves, who can be trusted to surround us in the all-encompassing grace of Goddess.

Which ways have you found to be the most beneficial in responding to situations that cause you anxiety? To what extent does the conceptualization I’ve shared of little self and adult fit your experience? How do you access your spirituality in anxiety-provoking experiences?