Embodied Heart

Blogger Recognition Award

Thanks to Riya at High Noon Journal for nominating me for my first blogging award! I love the energy of her blog and the honesty she brings to her life experiences. Her writings include reflections on being in her 20’s, spirituality, travel, personal growth and lots more! She’s also quite active as a blogger which inspires me to write more often.

award

This award is the most widely used and very popular among bloggers, both new and old. This award is all about fostering growth and recognition, community feeling and prosperity. It encourages new bloggers to showcase their blogs and to support and share fellow bloggers’ creations as well, to get valuable advice from experienced bloggers and share their own experiences. Thus everyone nominated are encouraged to participate in it, though the choice to participate or not lies solely with individuals. This is a lovely initiative to foster community feeling among fellow bloggers.

The Purpose of My Blog

I’ve shared my blog’s purpose previously. I haven’t shared as much about why I chose to start it when I did. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I’ve spent a lot of my life staying quiet about what happened to me. In the last few years, I’ve grown in my spiritual practice and found my home within Goddess Spirituality. This development created a desire within me to connect with others who have had traumatic experiences and who are interested in spirituality, psychology, personal growth, creativity and nature. I’ve been blogging for about 5 months and have found it to be a rich and rewarding experience.

Reflections on Blogging and Blogging Advice

My Goddessing from the Heart and my Sagewoman blogs are the first blogs I’ve ever written. I never anticipated the positive, encouraging community that I would find on WordPress. It has definitely motivated me to continue to write. Contributing to my blog here has motivated me to make personal changes in other areas of my life; I’ve laid plans to decrease how much overtime I am working in order to achieve a healthier balance.

In terms of advice to bloggers who are starting out, I would definitely recommend pacing yourself. I had a stretch where I was writing each day and I knew I couldn’t produce quality work if I kept up at that intensity. I also think that taking time to read other blogs and write feedback to fellow writers is key; the more my work on my blog feels like a conversation, the more motivated I become. Lastly, something you may relate to if you’ve been blogging for a while is that I’ve found blogging to be a therapeutic experience when negative events happen to me. I think I’ve had some personal growth because the nature of my blog is personal but not particularly specific; I don’t share where I went today or the specific people with whom I interacted. When I have a stressor and blog about it, it pushes me to move beyond complaining about what happened to get to the root of what is driving my thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Real life holds a lot of inspiration!

My Award Nominees

1. Bird Flight: I’ve enjoyed reading about updownflight’s mental health recovery and viewing her nature photography.

2. Toni-Ann La-Crette: I’ve learned a lot from Toni-Ann; she’s an intuitive Tarot reader with a great sense of humor.

3. Inner Journey Events Blog: Della has been an inspirational source of witchy wisdom for me.

4. My Pretty Sydney: Maadz has an awesome lifestyle blog with beautiful nature photography.

5. Amanda’s Diary Pages: I take virtual tours of Northern England with Amanda’s travel writing.

6. Penny Heiple, Transformational Healing Facilitator: Penny does a fabulous job integrating science and bodywork.

7. Priestess Spiritsong Dreamweaver: She has become one of my go-to sources of guidance on pagan practices.

8. Surviving Childhood Trauma: I’ve been inspired as I read Shanon’s work journaling her recovery from CSA.

9. Where Spirit Stops: She writes about trauma recovery, pagan practice and has lots of cute Esty shop creations.

10. The Purple Hermit: Nikita shares great poetry and personal reflections on solitude.

To all who have been nominated, you may accept the award and write a post about it if you wish to do so. To all my readers, thanks for your readership and I hope you’ll take a moment to check out these blogs!

Award Rules

  1. Write a thank you section for the blogger who nominated you.
  2. Write briefly on what this award is all about.
  3. Give a brief description and your thoughts on how you started your blog and what’s it all about.
  4. Share your experiences in your blogging journey for fellow bloggers both new and experienced, to give valuable insights about your blogging efforts.
  5. And finally, nominate 10 of your favorite bloggers for the same and let them know by commenting in each of their blogs about their getting nominated by you.

 

 

 

Embodied Heart

To Name the Loneliness

I wrote the reflection below during a time of feeling particularly in touch with aspects of isolation. I do not always experience myself in this way, which complicates the presentation. At the same time, I think giving voice to this side of who I am is valuable during times when the themes of family and celebration are ever-present, and so I decided to share it as an #EmbodiedHeart post today.

There’s an ache in my bones when I’m lonely. The fibers of my being seem to be stretched thin and taunt, pulling me along without offering full support to my frame. It’s physically painful, mirroring the emotional pain I feel inside. And, always, the snide little voice in my head reminding me that I “chose” this path by separating myself from my abusive family of origin.

Chronic loneliness and social isolation affect many trauma survivors. For those of us who have experienced incest, feelings of isolation can come in waves. The estrangement from family members who refuse to acknowledge the truth. The holidays endured, rather than celebrated, without a place to truly call home. The pervasive sense of being “different.” The awkward social interactions, stumbling to learn the rules of human communication without a guide-map from childhood. Romantic relationships which crash and burn the moment any semblance of betrayal surfaces.

I marvel that those who are able to wade through the deep waters of dark family secrets and make it to shelter and communion. Their hearts and hands seem mended. Tender moments and genuine healing seem to be the foundation on which they rebuild their lives.

I have brief instances where I surface and see the shoreline, but each mad dash towards it only seems to pull me further from land; more isolated, more guarded, more convinced I’m incapable of loving others. I tug myself onto a patch of sand, surrounded by water, and build castles of schemes and projects. I’ve retreated from seeking sails of potential connection on the horizon.

It is not without irony that I consider my greatest fear for my future. It is not dying alone, that I think I can brave as I’ve braved birthdays and graduations and other major life events bereft of acknowledgement and company. Instead, it is losing my independence. I envision myself one of those crotchety old-timers beating off the nursing home attendants with a cane. As much as my isolation can harm and does harm me, I wouldn’t trade it for subservience, compliance or enmeshment for a moment. Some things taste bitterer than the salty tears I shed on the seashores of my isolation.

Sacred Spiritual Growth

To Do: Ask a Question Every Day

I recently listened to an interview on NPR with Walter Isaacson about a new book he’s published on Leonardo da Vinci. In the interview, he discussed da Vinci’s practice of recording fascinating to-do lists. He noted a favorite, buried within a list, of “describe the tongue of a woodpecker.” Da Vinci was no stranger to dissection and the examination of corpses, so one can only speculate the woodpecker would likely not have been alive if he attempted to study it.

I found inspiration in da Vinci’s practice, if not the particulars of his method. Poking around dead animals is not my forte. For several months, I’d written down a natural feature that I wanted to observe—such as trees—each morning during my morning ritual. The practice was becoming a bit stale, so I’ve decided to take it a step farther by delineating a specific question or curiosity, the analysis of which I wish to uncover during the course of the day.

Da Vinci placed an emphasis on consulting with experts, asking them in particular about the ways in which mechanical processes and structures worked. In today’s world, we don’t necessarily have a “Giannino the Bombardier” to whom we can turn, but we do have the Internet which is replete with information. Something in me balks though, at this process of “asking Google.” We can now install devices in our house to which we can literally ask any question, and they will provide an answer. The human, the physical, the effort is removed, replaced by an automated and unedited response. What would it look like to see the wisdom of our fellow humans and of our own skills of observation, to have to put energy and time into gaining knowledge? How much more fully are our minds shaped and expanded by this type of learning, versus a few second of a search through digital databases?

If we embark on the quest for a more intimate connection with the world in which we find ourselves, what or who should be our subjects? How do we record our findings? What do we do with the knowledge we gain? I’ve tried on the life of a scientist briefly, and the infighting, politics, scandals and backstabbing quickly showed me the extent to which human flaws pervade even the noblest of discoveries. It was not for me. But, my curiosity about the world beckons, and I desire to intertwine it with my spirituality. I wish to hone my powers of observation to more fully appreciate my place in the Cosmos and to better equip myself during my inner work to flow within the natural energies that surround us.

Where this has led me is to a deeper understanding of a possible use for a Book of Shadows. I do not practice magic with the belief that my thoughts can directly alter outcomes, nor do I believe I can summon forces to do my bidding. As I’ve noted many times, I see my spirituality primarily as a conduit for inner change, as well as a mechanism by which I can better experience the interconnectedness of all of life and existence. With this in mind, I see a Book of Shadows as a place to record those instances in which my observations have transformed my inner being, as well as the practices by which I achieved such outcomes.

The natural world is my primary sacred space, the place where I nearly instantly move on more than a physical plane, the place that causes me to leap for joy and which brings tears of appreciation for its beauty to my eyes. Therefore, detailed study of the plants and the animals and the sky and the moon and all of Goddess’ realm seems, for me, a natural companion to ripe spiritual musings.

Isaacson’s discussion of da Vinci made note of the many half-attempts and false starts contained within his writings and drawings. He demanded perfection of himself, reworking some of his famous paintings for years. Yet, the intricacies of what he didn’t complete are just as revealing as those he finalized. Most of our own observations will not lead to any great insights regarding the world, but I think the idea that, on this day, for this time, a particular person saw, felt, touched, heard, tasted or smelled something that no one else experienced in the same way is, absent of anything else transpiring, a beautiful and brilliant moment resplendent in the sacred.