Embodied Heart

When the Best Option Isn’t Good Enough

I’ve spent a good bit of time the last few months waging the battle we each face between seeking to change things in our lives that we don’t like or deciding to accept them for what they are, which I’ll be unpacking in today’s #EmbodiedHeart post. A flash of insight recently occurred that showed me some of the areas in my life that feel the most frustrating to me exist because there is a wide gap between what would be “good enough” for me as a person in terms of meeting my needs, and what the best option out of the choices I could make right now appears to be. In other words, the choice that outweighs the others is still below the threshold that would satisfy me. It may be possible that my personal growth as an individual can slightly alter what feels “good enough,” creating flexibility to allow a range of solutions to meet my needs instead of one or two outcomes. At the same time, I believe that a circumstance such as my housing that feels quite far away from good enough is not going to allow me to grow as quickly or effectively as I could in a place that more fully meets my needs and may actually add to my burden in life because of the triggers it contains.

A major hurdle that can trip people up prior to my current dilemma is feeling helpless, stuck, or trapped in unpleasant situations. By and large, once we are adults, we are very rarely genuinely trapped or helpless. To believe we are can flow naturally from an experience of childhood trauma in which we were stuck and unable to improve our lot in life. Once we’ve grown up, though, we almost always have other options to consider. The choices or changes we might acknowledge are there for us can be daunting in terms of the sacrifice and time required to realize them, and they may provoke quite a bit of anxiety because they require us to take risks. By and large, things we dislike do not need to stay the way they are. As someone with a rock-solid internal locus of control, I am challenged by my difficulty empathizing with people who readily share a litany of excuses as to why life sucks but can’t be made better. I embrace change as a necessary part of seeking satisfaction in life.

Despite my ability to see that change is possible and that I do not have to keep at things I dislike, I have been hitting against limits in certain areas of my life, mostly my living situation. In regards to my housing, the most reasonable and realistic decision is to “stay put” for a few years, even though I am on the verge of hating where I live. Guilt bubbles up as soon as I acknowledge how unhappy I am, because a good portion of people would find my situation more than satisfactory, and because there are plenty of things about my house that are perfectly fine. That’s the thing about “good enough” though—I perceive it as a right-brained, gut-level knowing deep within me that, although perhaps being slightly malleable, is relatively fixed once enough data have been collected to provide an assessment. Some part of me discerned very soon after moving into my house that it wasn’t going to be my “forever home,” but it took the rest of me quite a while to fully acknowledge this reality.

My primary solution to knowing that what I’m choosing to do (to stay put for a few years) is the best but also an unsatisfactory decision, is to accept my circumstances for what they are and to make effective use of my time. I want to become significantly more self-sufficient and to reduce my impact on the environment. There are so many tools I need to acquire and skills I need to learn. In that context, there is a tiny sparkle of gratitude in me that my goals of moving to a location that more fully meets my needs cannot yet be accomplished, because I have to prepare myself for the life I envision. I’m good at learning on the spot, but something tells me actions such as raising chickens or transforming an entire lawn into permaculture are probably much less overwhelming and susceptible to failure if a person has taken some time to become informed and to practice skills ahead of time. Maybe we can only see why our needs felt thwarted and our progress slowed once we have arrived at the milestones ahead. Maybe the path I’m on will head off in directions I cannot yet conceive. It could be that it’s only in a backwards glance that I will able to rejoice in by the drudgery of my present place.

How do you reconcile situations when all of the choices you can see are less than what you know you require to meet your needs? When life limits you, what do you do with the time before you can take the next step you are craving? How do you come to know what “good enough” means for you? Is your concept of “good enough” amenable to change, and, if so, how do you alter it?

Inspiration Fanatic

Chocolate Brownie Soufflé

For today’s #InspirationFanatic Friday, I wanted to share a recipe I created on a whim while craving chocolate. It turned out with so much volume and flavor, despite being gluten-free and having no added sugar, that I decided it had to be shared!

~280 calories, 7.5 grams of fiber and 11 grams of protein per serving.

Makes 4 servings.

4 ripe bananas mashed

4 eggs

4 TBS cocoa powder

4 tsp. Clabber Girl baking powder

½ cup (8 TBS) almond flour

1 tsp. vanilla

I have a hard time with portion control with dessert-type foods, so I originally made a single serving of this. Just divide everything by 4 if you wish to do this. The serving size is quite large, use smaller cups and divide into 8 if you want a lower calorie count.

Instructions:

Combine all ingredients in a bowl.

Mix for 1 minute or less—do not over-mix.

Spoon into soufflé cups. Batter should be no more than 1 inch from the top. If your soufflé cups are on the smaller side, you will need more than 4 of them.

Bake at 450 for approximately 20 minutes. Souffle is done when a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Great served warm!

Embodied Heart

Liebster Award 2018!

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Goddessing From the Heart has been nominated for the Liebster Award. Thanks to Josephine from Above the Storm for her nomination! She has an informative and innovative blog about mental health including topics related to anxiety and depression.

 

Nominee rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you, and provide a link to their blog in your post.
  2. Answer the questions provided for you, and come up with 5-10 more questions for your nominations.
  3. Give the award to 5-10 other bloggers who you appreciate.
  4. Leave a comment on their blog to let them know you nominated them for the award.
  5. Link to this blog post https://theglobalaussie.com/liebster-award-2018/ by the Global Aussie in your Liebster Award blog post.
  6. Head back to https://theglobalaussie.com/liebster-award-2018/ and leave a comment with your Liebster Award blog post link.

 

Josephine’s questions for me:

  • Why did you create your blog?
    I wanted to be able to inspire and support trauma survivors. As a practitioner of Earth-based Goddess spirituality, I wanted to incorporate spirituality and healthy living practices into my reflections on trauma and mental health.
  • What other talents or hobbies do you have? I enjoy photography and nature observation. I love to cook. I’ve attempted ceramics and cake decorating classes as well.
  • What are your 3 favourite movies? I love anything by Wes Anderson. I am also a fan of the LOTR series.
  • What is the best thing about being you? I’m always exploring new ideas and growing as a person.
  • If you could do anything with your life, regardless of money or life circumstance, it would be… I’ve just started to dig into the concept of permaculture and homesteading. So, I’ve been spending far too much time on Zillow looking at 100 acre plots of land in the country to which I wish I could move. Ultimately, I would love to be able to live a self-sufficient, off-grid lifestyle while hosting retreats for women that incorporate spirituality and healing and writing non-fiction books.

I nominate:

Spiritsong Dreamweaver

The EcoFeminist

A happy organic vegetarian journey

The Life of a Raven

High Noon Journal

Questions for nominated bloggers to answer:

  • What has been the most surprising aspect of blogging for you?
  • How do you find inspiration for your blog?
  • What is something new you are learning about or interested in lately?
  • How central is being a blogger to who you are as a person? Is it a hobby, a lifestyle, or a career for you?
  • What is a goal that you have for yourself in 2018, either as a blogger or personally?
Sacred Spiritual Growth

Mistaking the Familiar for the Safe: On Whose Path are You?

There was a major snow storm in my area this winter. My Yorkie, despite his diminutive size, typically vies for the lead with me when we go for a walk, ambling wherever his little heart desires. After the snow, however, we ended up with snow drifts three or more feet deep after shoveling the driveway and walkways. As I walked him, I became nearly claustrophobic as I sensed how much his world had temporarily shrunken. He could only go where I had cut a path for him. As I observed his behavior, I wondered about the extent to which each of us might engage in similar behavior in terms of our life choices. For today’s #SacredSpiritualGrowth Saturday, I will be exploring the implications of making decisions based on what we’ve known, rather than in relation to what is possible.

In another post I have coming out soon, I wrote something to the effect of “mistaking the familiar for the safe.” This line brought chills to me as it hit at the core of much of my existence. How often do I make decisions that are comfortable because they line up with previous choices I’ve made, only to later realize that I was unnecessarily limiting myself? Or, alternatively, when might I try the opposite of a frequent course of action, not because I really buy into it, but because it allows me to rebel against my own norms?

Psychological theories of social learning and conditioning provide ample explanation as to why we might act in ways that curtail or cut off the truly revolutionary choices and actions in our lives. We can easily become habituated to a particular series of events, ones that to an outsider would appear frightening or “crazy.” This is of particular concern for childhood abuse survivors, who may allow individuals into their lives who act harshly or in a demeaning manner, simply because that is what they have come to expect from people. In addition, the rewards offered by individuals who are abusive in the form of “sincere” apologies, contrition, promises to do better and literal gifts are often sufficient to entice survivors to believe that this time will be different or to question even their own perception of the abusive incident that now seems dulled under so much “love” and hope.

How do we go about making decision and interpreting events in ways that expand our horizons rather than contract them? A concept on which I’ve been mulling for some time now is that of an “Inner Goddess.” This is one of many ways of stating that I believe there is a wisdom in the universe into which we can tap that is greater than the sum of the parts of ourselves. Something about perceiving it as housed inside me reduces my fear of it, although thealogically I see Source/Self/God(ess) as both within each of us and intertwining through every piece of existence, permeating space-time without the normal adherence to the laws of classical physics. The nature of this energy can be endlessly debated; my interest instead is with the practical lived experience of centering myself in Her and instantaneously being granted a clear-sighted vision of my life that I know at my core shreds my normal limitations of habit and conditioning. My main obstacle is that I return repeatedly to living without accessing this higher consciousness. I follow the path that either my own fear and anger or another person has decided to carve for me, tracing and retracing the same worn footfalls. My earnest hope is that I can now root myself in Being that is somehow the trajectory of path itself, the sum of everywhere I’ve already wandered, the birds-eye view of the pattern my wanderings have and will whittle out, and the ground on which I walk.

Where has your path in life led you to mistake the familiar for the safe? Do you have a sense of an energy that transcends your own learning history? If so, what has been transformed in your life as a result of the guidance that this energy has provided to you?

Goddess Thealogy

Wealth, Money and Anxiety: Spiritual Practices to Soothe Your Soul

I’ve decided the USPS’s “Informed Delivery,” an email service available in the U.S. which alerts you to incoming daily mail, should probably be called “Panic Attack Now” for those of us with anxiety problems. I recently received an email letting me know a letter was coming from the IRS. I wasn’t expecting a letter from the IRS, so I spent the next four hours in an absolute hysteria, binge eating pizza and reading every document online about the potential contents of letters from the IRS I could find. The letter, inconsequentially, was a notice about an online request I’d made. Nothing owed, nothing in error, four hours of my life wasted in service to the two-headed beast of anxiety and greed.

For today’s #Thealogy Thursday, I decided to put my vast experience at freaking out over financial matters to use. I started this blog with posts about “Goddessing On a Budget” and have made significant improvements to my financial health in recent months, but, nonetheless, I consistently return to money worries day in and day out. I determined to spend some time here exploring the connection between money, definitions of wealth and spiritual practices within a Goddess Spirituality framework.

Who’s in Charge: Our Relationship with Money

I sometimes find myself wondering if I own money or if I am being owned by money. I’ve decided to conceptualize the way in which I connect to money as a relationship. Even on the surface, questions immediately arise. If I see money as a representation of material resources that have been transferred to me, ostensibly as a result of my labor, what can I do to engage in healthy stewardship of this possession? I believe that many of us see money instead as a reflection of our inner value, merit and basic “goodness” and we evaluate our self-worth accordingly. We allow money, wealth and income to serve as our master instead of our deserved and needed companion. We indenture ourselves to its whims and exalt its benefits, even while our lust for it remains unsatiated. We act as masochists, willing to prostitute ourselves with hour after hour of drudgery, thrashing at the chains of our self-imprisonment in its gleam. When a windfall or raise comes our way, we are kings and queens, either showering the excess on parades through shopping malls or sitting alone in our miserly office, stacking and restacking each coin, refusing others and ourselves even a few tokens of joy.

One of the reasons I think we often have an unhealthy relationship with money is that it is a resource embedded with a myriad of systems, most of which are inherently unfair and unjust. We may rightly earn a certain quantity of money through honest effort and energy while simultaneously failing to acknowledge that the structure through which we came about it is corrupt and benefits the few at great cost to the many. I cannot do justice within the context of this article to articulating the tentacles of greed and avarice winding through the employment and financial structure of American society. My own financial future hangs in the balance as I am planning to apply for Public Service Loan Forgiveness in a few years. As of the writing of this post, there is a bill being drafted in Congress to rescind this program. Because of the interest rate, I have six figures at stake. I detest with a passion the idea that a few hundred men at the seat of power in America have the ability to sign or not sign legislation that, with one stroke of the pen, would completely alter the course of my life. The tiny sliver of insight that has been opened to me through this experience has compelled me to contemplate what the daily struggle must be like for those who, by no fault of their own, were born with characteristics that put them at a much greater mercy to the systems of influence in which we find ourselves.

Despite my realizations about the inequitable situation in which we each find ourselves, there is something in me that chaffs at the idea of money being completely disentangled from labor. In a strictly financial sense, I’ve lived the American dream. I came from very little with no one in my family having a college education, and was able to get my doctorate degree and a well-paying job. I did so in part on the graciousness of long-dead scholarship endowment sponsors, but also through my own tenaciousness and determination. Because of my resulting tendency towards individualism, I feel internally conflicted over the idea that money and possession as things that are not actually “owned” by anyone but are instead best understood as the property of all. This idea rings true for many who practice Goddess Spirituality, engage in feminist thought or live a minimalist lifestyle and who believe society would benefit from increased interdependence and communal living. I’ve even come across a few people who have rejected the concept of money entirely. If we allow for ideas of cooperative living to enter our collective consciousness, we have tremendous work to do in order to achieve these goals on a even a small scale. How we better society in order to more equally distribute resources is a task I hope there are minds strong and able enough to realize progress within my lifetime.

Poverty of Soul/Inner Riches

In certain corners of the various religious and spiritual traditions to which I’ve been privy, I’ve come across a recurring theme of wealth and prosperity. The basic idea of each of these subgroups is that if one prays/believes/casts spells/ practices enough, one will acquire material possessions and riches. A fundamental lack within this viewpoint is to ask whether or not becoming rich is a worthy goal. Without a doubt, there is a minimal threshold of income or resources below which life becomes very challenging. It angers me to see spiritual practitioners of any faith exploiting impoverished individuals, parting them from the little money they do have in order to grow their riches. There are absolutely “female lifestyle empowerment brands” that hone directly on these needs within women and which seek to take advantage of a women’s desire to become enlightened or spiritual.

Although money matters, I believe focusing on money, wealth, status or possession above other life goals such as relationships with self and others is an invitation to additional suffering and emptiness. Research has consistently demonstrated that having more money does not lead to happiness once we reach a certain income level. I’ve lived on both sides of the tipping point; it has taken me years on the plus side of it to see how much the additional work I was doing to continue to increase my income each year was bringing me down rather than building me up.

Not everyone has the privilege of being able to say that they have enough money consistently or to even renegotiate their relationship with income. If we are facing challenging times financially, I believe these moments offer us an opportunity to value our inner strengths and to find comfort in our collective struggle. We all have a wealth of internal characteristics that allow us to weather difficult moments; giving yourself permission to notice and appreciate these abilities despite financial setbacks may help to refocus your minds and allow you to move forward with handling the situation instead of beating yourself up for poor planning or blaming the situation for being unfair (even if one or both of those things is also true). There are also many resources dedicated to developing a sharing community instead of one based on competition.

Whether we are struggling to make ends meet or to reduce our cravings for “more” in the way of status and possessions, meeting our spiritual needs consistently may allow us to align our thoughts about money to reasonable terms. I genuinely fight with this on a regular basis; I seem to be able to have a rich spiritual life or a healthy budget, but both at the same time feels outside of my grasp. Paying attention is always the first step for me in realizing when the scale has tipped too far in the “I must have all the pretties and meditate 3 times a day” or the “I will record every purchase and spend an hour a day budgeting for the next two years” side of things. Both are important, both are valuable, and the other goals I have in life such as developing deep relationships, improving my physical health and connecting with nature also need time in the rotation. Spending time in ritual that centers around our relationship with money may be one way in which we can improve our relationship with our finances.

Acceptance and Empowerment Ritual

As with any spiritual practice I share, customize this ritual to your own needs and preferences.

For the acceptance aspect of this ritual, I see the purpose as twofold. First, I want to us to engage in acknowledgment of our inability to plan for everything and of the competitiveness and desire for comfort that are a part of human nature. Secondly, I want us to release beliefs about the connection between wealth and spirituality—in essence—the false belief that good people/behaviors are rewarded, and that bad people/behaviors are punished. As I’ve stated in other writings, I’ve seen way too much evil in this world to believe in karma and just desserts.

For the empowerment aspect of this ritual, I wanted to focus on developing a healthier relationship with money. I chose themes such as individual money management and advocacy for more equality in our financial systems as potential focal points. Taking time to set concrete goals or to explore the beliefs we hold about these topics may free us from automatic assumptions and behaviors that disempower and limit our financial lives.

Materials:

Green tea

Teacup and hot water

Paper slips

Marker

Twine

Journal and pen

Five coins

Five popsicle type sticks. Write the following phrases on each one: 1. Personal money management. 2. Stewardship of money. 3. Gratitude for bounty. 4. Positive systems of influence. 5. Advocacy for equality. OR choose 5 phrases that represent empowering financial concepts to you and write one each on the sticks.

Instructions:

  1. Cast a circle and call in any elements or Deities that you wish to have present.
  2. Brew the tea.
  3. Spend time contemplating your beliefs about how much control you “should” have over money, how much you desire more money, and the extent to which you think being “good” or acting positively will lead to more income. Write your beliefs on the slips of paper.
  4. The green in the tea here symbolizes greed, envy and desire. Rather than reject or deny these emotions, allow yourself to explore them. What do they look like or feel like? Where are they held in your body? What behaviors do they lead to? Sip the tea as you allow yourself to connect with your envy. Is there any emotion or thought underneath of it? Any desire that it is hiding? I often realize my envy is rooted in wanting to be accepted and loved by others, for instance. Feel free to journal about any self-discoveries you make.
  5. Roll up the slips of paper and tie them with twine. If you wish to do so, you can connect them and hang them up in a location where you will see them when engaging in financial matters as a reminder to check in with yourself and your thoughts in your relationship with money. You can also rid yourself of them if you wish to symbolize releasing them.
  6. Lay out the five coins in the shape of a pentagram. Begin to lay the sticks to connect the coins in an order that feels intuitively aligned for you. As you place each stick, read the phrase and contemplate one or two aspects of the concept with which you wish to be empowered. For instance, when placing “positive systems of influence,” I determined to learn more about things like micro-lending and other investment tools that focus on giving money to those who truly need it instead of corporate shareholders. Feel free to journal your ideas. You may want to light a candle in the center to symbolize your growing empowerment in your financial life. You can leave the arrangement as a reminder for a period of time, or, if you are crafty enough, fashion a decoration out of it using the twine.
  7. Close the circle, thanking any elements and Deities that you invited.

If you choose to enact any part of this ritual, either as a spiritual practice or as an experiential inner work session, feel free to share your insights. I would also welcome your reflections on your relationship with money and financial systems. Lastly, I invite discussion of the activities in which you engage to balance your focus on the various goals and aspirations which you set for yourself.